What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
