remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
