Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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