I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
