a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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