Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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