So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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