I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i've created a new STD.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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