gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
