So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
