I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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