Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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