In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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