there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
