I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Panties = found
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
