I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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