Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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