Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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