i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
