Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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