dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
