Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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