THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
