He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
