i barfeds in our rink
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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