and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
