I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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