If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
