Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
