At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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