Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
