Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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