The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
