she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
