I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
