I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
