she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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