It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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