whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
