clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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