the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
