Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
