some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
