btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
