Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
