i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
