some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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