Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
