If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
pray to the hookup gods
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
