I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no, he came in my armpit
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
