OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
