i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
